I feel as though I have taken far longer to recover from this type of life event as other people seem to take but perhaps that's just because I was so deeply invested in the idea of my family and spending the rest of my life with them.
OK, I wanted to address this first, not so much for you because that water is under the bridge. But for any newcomers that might read this. We all are deeply invested in the idea of our families and spending the rest of our lives with them. That is why we are the LBS! Otherwise we would be the WAS. I think you took longer to heal for two main reasons: you struggled with GAL (by your own admission). GAL is crucial. And all of us LBSs made excuse why we couldn't do a better job, but the bottom line is, with a proper focus on GAL we end up wallowing in our sorrow and "why me" and never really deal properly with the fact that there is life after our WAS. I remember one poignant moment in your sitch when I asked "OK, what is your GAL like?" Your answer: "It is sitting in my brothers house being bored out of my mind." That is not good.
Second, and this is probably directly related to not GAL properly, but you struggled mightily with detachment. We all do to a certain extent, but you really struggled with it. Detachment is so important, and those that GAL best usually detach the best. I think part of this for your sitch was also the TRO. But in some ways that should have helped with detachment (the age old IHS vs. physical separation paradox that so many LBSs struggle with).
Thirdly, LBSs HAVE to have IC. It is so hard to proceed forward without it. And goes to GAL as well.
In short, the better you DB the quicker and better you will recover. Again OK this is not to beat you up. You've come a long way. This is more a cautionary tale for other LBSs.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
