Im willing to bet after BD that the reason why they seem like strangers to us, why it appears like an MLC, why it appears selfish, and sometimes it is, is because their feelings, their desire for chsnge, to start a new is greater than the pain of apathy of staying in the M. Do they always bow out in a healthy way? Not always...But Seriously think about who you are now, and who you were when the R started. What you were doing with your life, how much you self differentiated, etc, get back to thst, go out and GAL, and develop the new you.
I'm always hesitant to generalize but I completely agree that things had gotten a little complacent and I wasn't my best self the past couple of years. To completely give up on me and the marriage and the intact family, and to neglect her D2, definitely not healthy and in my view completely unnecessary.
When we got together I was in some ways -- not all -- at the top of my game, and W at the bottom of hers. Now it's somewhat reversed. TBH I'm angry as hell because I loved her for the person she was, even when she had no job for the first three years we were together. Now she despises me for working, but not enough for her to live like a millionaire.
If my work is slow, she's angry that there's not enough money. When my work is busy, she's angry that I'm not around to do all the housework. I once told a friend, as a joke, that her perfect husband makes half a million a year without ever leaving the house or having to do any work, and does all the household chores so she can play on her phone all day. In retrospect it wasn't a joke.
But you are right that I need to get back to a better me, and slowly but sure it's getting there.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
