You are discovering a lot of things right now, and you are slowly taking off those rose tinted glasses, that we wear when we love someone. The glasses that justifies our loved ones flaws and error making, because, well we love them.
Its a good thing they are coming off, however they are also putting you on the front seat of the rollercoaster. You are spinning hard right now. Up and down, and its draining you.
Because of that, you really need tocalm down, and focus on you. Easy for me to write, hard for you to do. Not trying to understate the difficulty of it, trust me, I had to do this myself as well .
Fact is that you are still including him way too much in your thoughts and activities. How? Well for one, your journaling consists 80% of what he is doing, what he did, and how you feel about it.. Why don't we hear a bit about how you are doing, what you want to do next, and how you will achieve that? Set some small goals that will give you some small victories. That will put you on the right path dear.
I like that you set up a financial budget for yourself - good on you, thats a victory. I dislike how you are going to tell him to get his own bank account and show him what your finances look like right now. Let him figure out things out himself, and if he asks, then by all means show him - you are not standing in his way, but you definitely are not helping him out the door.
Feel better soon!
Thank you Hurt213.
I agree as I read my journaling I realize that far too much of my focus is on H. I think I am still letting my emotions take over. The reason I want him to get his own bank account is because I need to protect myself financially. His spending habits over the past few weeks are out of control. And showing him the finances is just so he knows how much he needs to contribute to our household bills and loans after he moves out. Many of our loans including CC, mortgage, and auto loans are in both of our names. I refuse to help him, but I am ready to show him the door. He will have to figure it out for himself.
I know the rules say not to initiate any R talks, and I don't plan on talking about our marriage, but I do want to sit down with my husband and tell him that I want him to leave. I truly can no longer live like this. I deserve better. I will not tolerate this level of disrespect in my own home. I need to protect myself and begin to rebuild my life and I cannot do that with him here. I wish I had more patience, I admire the strength of so many on this forum, but I need to do what is right for me. This experience has been eye opening to say the least.
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