Every time I see W and things move forward the wound is reopened. I know I'll be okay again in a day or two after calming down, and that I'm not "cycling" in the same way I was months ago. I know every step forward hurts just as bad, but a few days later I feel stronger than ever because I know I can survive and thrive.
Things in the house are still out of place since W took her furniture. Add to that the fact I'm gathering items to prepare for my trip, so I'm going through drawers I typically ignore. And I see items of W's or items that ignite a memory and I'm can't even fathom the difference that has happened so quickly.
FlySolo - you said it exactly. I am facing a future for myself that I did not want. But it was chosen for me. And I know I'll go forward and make this version of my life just as wonderful and exciting and full of love and light. But I'm still angry and hurt and so sad that I didn't have a choice in this path.
This week will be another crazy one at work (thank goodness). And when I'm not in the office I'll be 100% dedicated to working out details for my trip to Italy. I was happy and calm about the trip until today - when the anxiety around W has warped into anxiety about my trip. I've never traveled alone and it's just hitting me how independent I'll need to be on this trip. I KNOW I can do it, I just need to remind myself that I can.
