IW. I just read your updated posts on your thread. Sorry for your struggles.
Thanks, man. I have learned to keep a calm stone exterior, but times like last night are a gut punch. Still reeling - W has no idea tho and it will stay that way.
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I’m also in a low place. Not even a hug or ILY on my 40th. It hurts. Badly.
I know the feeling, all too well these past 8 months. it will pass. What really helped me is reading through the MLC resources - in particular from the former MLCers like sandi and AmyC. The description of the shift in viewpoint helped me to understand why this kind of behavior happens.
Happy 40th, man! Hope you got to do a little something fun today for you.
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Let’s be honest - for the vast majority here we have ZERO chance of reconciliation. That thread of hope we hold onto becomes a leash holding us back from where we need to go. DB draws us in because it offers a plan to hang onto that thread, and we are drawn here because of that glimmer of hope. But we stay because DB helps us heal and become stronger happier and healthier individuals. That is the ultimate journey. I hope one day soon I come to terms that I need to DB just for myself. That’s it. And NOT because it might save my M. Because it’s for me. And not even tangentially with some hope that it may incidentally save my M. Letting go (if I can get to that point) seems like the only path to happiness. Forget the M.
This is the hardest lesson to learn. Bc it seems so counterintuitive. But letting go is the only option left. But not with hate or anger or fear. Letting go with love, bc you love them.
The way I look at it now - the M is over, but now is the time to work on myself, and later, see if it's possible to build something new out of the ashes, after their crisis has diminished. What that looks like is anyone's guess.
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Weird birthday though. Had a 20min discussion with W about issues with my FOO. Not sure why W even wanted to talk about it. Too late for me to get into the details, but felt strangely personal and we rarely talk about those things anymore. Just noise, I’m learning not to try to interpret things. Believe none of what they say, etc.
Sounds like a good chance to practice listening. But yeah, def weird, esp for a bday
