Okay so about the R talk last night. I went out and GAL with some friends. Had some drinks and watched some hockey. Came home and put my S to bed. My W and I were in bed and as it being a week till W and MIL move out I asked if my W had written up our agreement for money and child care. She said she would get it done this week.
Next she transitioned into a sort of R talk. She asked if I was gonna go out a lot to bars and such. I said that yeah I was planning on going out and meeting new people and such. She seemed a little sad but from previous R talks I know she is planning on going out a lot too.
Also I forgot to mention that although I am unsure if there is OM, her doing things such as changing her phone password and texting a lot more than she use to make it pretty clear to me she must be talking to OM. I kind of came to this last night.
She then said something like if we don’t end up getting back together in a few months maybe we should just see a mediator. Seems like she’s looking for an easy way out, however the week of BD she expressed no interest in getting back together. Seems like she is considering it though now with my changes. Or she is just being nice so I don’t fight back who knows.
Next I forgot how we got into it but she started talking about my laundry list of problems. “I tried to get you to buy new clothes for years and now you buy them”. “Every time we went shopping you would come after me to give you money.” “You can’t just be involved with our kid a lot for a month and think you are a super dad now”.
To all of these complaints I didn’t get up set but responded with something along the lines of: “I have made these changes for myself. I understand these changes are too late for you but I have realized the person I want to be.”
She then started getting upset and really started tearing into me: “you were never there for me, you were such a terrible person to me” all this stuff that isn’t true in my opinion. I tried to validate saying that I didn’t give her enough attention and didn’t speak her love language but I did defend myself as well.
I told her “you saying I wasn’t there for you isn’t true. I was all you had for many rough years. I was your rock, when we had to go get your mom from the hospital multiple times, I was the only one there for you.” Her mom is an alcoholic and hit rock bottom and fell off the wagon every few months. She is doing much better now.
I know it’s typical for WAWs to change the MR history so everything is negative. But this really hurt me. I tried not to show too much emotion but at some point tempers flared. I brought up that she was talking to an OM: she replied angrily “there’s no OM”! I replied “sure keep telling yourself that because I don’t believe it.”
I made an error here and started texting some friends. I turned on my phone volume and started texting loudly. She got super angry and maybe was projecting that I was texting a girl or something. She then started calling me a d*ouchebag repeatedly. She got so mad that at one point she said “let’s just file for D”. I replied “that’s not what I want but go ahead. I’m not stopping you!” She was so upset that she was crying. Not sure why she was crying though. Self pity? We both had done some drinking and I don’t think she really meant this about getting D”
This morning we apologized to each other. We went out to mothers day breakfast and had a good time. My W didn’t mention D but once again said something like “this is our last week living together unless we end up getting. Back together.” Sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants at this point. She also asked if I was sad she was moving out. I replied “no I am not sad. I think it will be really good for us to be apart”.
I have acted very emotionally stable the last few days with all this her packing to move. She also made comments about my appearance which I responded really cocky and confidently about. (She was really drawn to my confidence when we first met.). After this she displayed a lot of pursuit. Play hitting me, touching me, trying to pop a zit for me, and a lot of flirtatious talking. Interesting last 24 hours and a lot to read but I felt I should document. Thanks guys.
