Alison - I agree that limbo is always there in a R to some extent. But there’s a difference between accepting R’s can fall apart at any time and being insecure about R’s. I took my W for granted, yes. I also feel like she took me for granted. It happens. I wanted solidity. When I got insecure is when things fell apart. It was self fulfilling. Or maybe it was me being complacent for awhile, then expressing my R needs, which set us off down this path. Maybe I am slowly waking up to the fact that this M simply cannot exist as is, and unless both me and my W commit to change, we are better off separate. I was unhappy with the M, and now I’m miserable because I realize it is ending. And yet... I still wait for table scraps, for those little moments of connection, as fleeting as they are. And I KNOW without a doubt it is over yet I still fall for it, every time.
You can’t control other people. They can walk at any time. I’m here because I believe DB will teach me how to handle these unforeseen life events with equanimity and perspective. I want to be happy. I believe this will help me in all relationships.
I can tell you and I both struggle. We see those little signs from our spouse and hope it means something. But it really doesn’t. We need to look inward for happiness.
