D12 was ill with migraines again most of the week so have had to stay home quite a lot. H thinks she might need to see a doctor again in case it's something serious. I couldn't get her in to see a doctor (the UK medical system is both wonderful once you've been diagnosed, but simple things like seeing a GP requires a lot of loops to be jumped) so we tried the prescription pain killers they gave us (they only give you six and it's squirted up her nose) - but she said it didn't help. She also had her first IC appointment on Thursday which was probably making her anxious. At the same time I have seen glimpses of my old daughter back - the one who laughed and smiled a lot. I think that's to do with spending more time together, my being more mindful of being patient with her and also that her dad and I are getting along.
Her IC appointment went OK I think. This one was with the actual therapist who she will see for the next ten weeks. The last one was just the assessment. The therapist was nice. Mid 30's and female - the last one was a male in his 50's - so my daughter will probably feel more comfortable opening up with her. I stayed with them for the first 30 minutes and the therapist just asked her questions about her life. After 30 minutes she asked me to wait in the waiting room and they sat and talked alone. I did not ask how it was, but D12 came out relatively relaxed. I really hope this allows her to open up about her feelings. It's been over a year of bottling it up.
H asked me last night why I had said no to his mum taking D12 to the book signing. I explained that it was on the same evening as the counselling, and I preferred D12 to be home after - in case she was upset or stressed. I had explained all this to his mum, but obviously she only told him that I had said no without giving him the reasons as to why.
I know it does not matter and there is nothing I can do, but it annoys me his family automatically assume the worst of people.
I had a gardener in yesterday to start work on the back garden. It has been an eyesore for a while. Over the years, we have worked on renovating pretty much all of this house, and the garden was the final piece. H would maintain it - mow the lawn, cut back the trees, but neither of us are gardeners and it was never a huge priority. H still maintains it, but only when he feels like it, so the grass hasn't been mowed for three weeks and the trees haven't really been done since last year. It was good to just tell someone what I wanted done and have him do it. A part of me was "H should be paying for half of this" but decided that I live here and deserve to have a garden I want to sit in. When H came over the drop off the girls this morning his first question was "who cut the lawn?".
I have not asked him for the backdoor key back and he has not offered. He has also not asked me when I will be getting him a key cut (I still haven't done it). I will have to do it today as he is looking after the girls a fair bit this week and will need to come back to the house to get bits and bobs for them. He did say he is also going to do some work in the garden.
Anyway, we continue on this strange journey. He has been away for four days and then had the girls the last two days - he dropped them off this morning - and now he is going to London to watch the football. I am taking the girls into town to buy a present for one of their friends and then going to do some planting with D9, if the weather holds.
I am content. But I think this goes to show that we can get accustomed to anything, even limbo. And that's a little bit scary.
