By propping up, what I mean is - he doesn't have to experience the worry that you aren't there. He never needs to feel the natural consequences of him emotionally neglecting then leaving his family because you are protecting him from that. He doesn't need to learn that mean, critical, drunk workaholics end up without loving wives, because you're protecting him from that. He's alone when he desires it, and when he wants contact with you, he has it. Even if you aren't ready to go dark, perhaps letting him experience your 'no' more often and get him to feel what the consequences of his choices are might help him get a glimpse of what that 'bottom' he's being saved from might look like.
That story about your neighbour is shocking. Perhaps she really is thriving now she's away from him. We all know how terrible and draining an awful marriage can be - and I'm not sure she'd want to be anywhere near him after how he'd behaved. Her OH sounds like he's not in his right mind. I've done lots of things in life and in my marriage that I am ashamed of - I bet we all have. But generally I've also understood the reasons why I've done those things, however inexcusable they are. But texting his OW while his daughter lies in a hospital bed is beyond me. Maybe once that line is crossed - one something is truly unforgivable - then the bond just breaks and recovery is much quicker and easier. I know when I am feeling despondent sometimes I gee myself up by thinking of the worst things that H has done - and that makes it easier not to miss him. I don't think that's healthy for me though...
I hope you had a good roast dinner. We had a roast chicken after a long walk up in the hills. Got rained on and the dog was filthy and make the floors and sofa filthy and I don't care (no H here to criticise or moan about the mess, which I will attend to when I am ready) and we loved it.
