I think you're right - he's seeking reassurance that you still need him. He wants to know you still look to him to have your emotional needs met. I think Hurt213's suggestion is spot on - you don't have to argue the toss with him about his infidelity, but neither should you participate in a lie or enable his dishonesty. I hope you are feeling okay today.
Thank you Alison. I am doing well today. Right now I just feel done. It's such a roller coaster. One minute I want to save my marriage, the next I'm not so sure. And the truth of it is, I do still need him. But, I do not want to continue a relationship with a lying cheater.
I am not looking forward to H coming home tonight as I know it will be tense and uncomfortable. That might be good for H, I want him to wallow a bit in that uncomfortableness. I have been making it far too easy for him to eat cake.
Why do you need him? Thats codependency. You dont "need" anyone but yourself. You "want" him. Thats perfectly fine. Get yourself to the point where you want yourself to be happy and that no matter ehat, you will do what is necessary to get that. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself first. Better yourself for yourself.
Thank you So Torn. You are right! I don't need him. And I'm not even so sure I even want him at this point. I do want to be happy. I opened up my own bank account today. I felt empowered. I'm getting my finances in order and planning a summer vacation with my 3 grown children, alone. I've been home sick for the past 2 days, so GAL has been tricky, but I've just been keeping busy and to myself for the most part.
I am really struggling with the patience piece. When I first started to GAL, H's interest was certainly piqued, asking lots of questions, texting, calling, checking in. I immediately got my hopes up until I realized that his interest was more of him ensuring I was still his plan B. Just keeping me on the hook. I continue to let my emotions get the best of me and react. One step forward, 2 steps back (maybe more, haha).
I am concerned for him, he is spiraling. H has an addictive personality, he has struggled with addiction in the past. His behaviors- tobacco, alcohol, porn, and of course, lies- are all increasing lately. I'm sure he hides all of this from OW. But, we have been here before. It got worse before it got better. Perhaps this will be how he hits rock bottom.
