But she said maybe we could go to my IC so I could "share my feelings" - pretty condescendingly honestly. So yeah I stopped.
She asked if I wanted to do that sometime this month, or go to MC in June or July. I just said "I'm most interested in couples." and left it at that. I know what's coming.
Sorry to be a bit blunt here, but if she isn't willing to work on the relationship, MC isn't going to help much. I asked W if she wanted to go in a moment of desperation in the early days of my situation and she said flat out "no". From what I've seen around these parts, the vets say not to force it if she doesnt want to go.
Yeah I haven't forced it. She's been talking about going in June or July for months now. In early April (after my first apology letter) I asked her via e-mail if we could go earlier. That was my last attempt, when I was still super emotional. She never responded, or even acknowledged receiving the e-mail. Other than her text last week asking if I still wanted to go (my response above), I have said nothing. But last night she did say she started contacting some counselors. I didn't say anything.
She wants to go to MC in June or July, but I'm savvy enough to realize what is probably coming. Probably some combo of the following:
* She feels MC is a "safe" place to deliver the BD where I won't be emotionally crazy. * She feels MC will give her closure. * She feels MC will give me closure. * We will discuss co-parenting in MC. * She will have her D plans all set up by then.
None of those reasons meet any of my R needs. We can wait to discuss co-parenting AFTER the BD, when I have some time to process what just happened.
Anyways, with MC1 last fall, we both spoke to her ahead of time about our individual goals, our "vision" for the relationship. This time around, I will make sure to speak with MC2 individuals ahead of time, and I plan to say:
* I am concerned that W and I have mismatched goals. I want to save the M, I believe she wants to D. * How do you typically work with couples in this situation?
I believe most MC's would not try to save the M, in which case why bother going?
If my closure depends on fully understanding why my W is deciding to do this -- it's never going to happen.
I feel for you. I really do. I'm sorry this is happening and I dont want to tell you what to do. but I think if you re-read what you wrote here you will have your answer on whether or not you want to go to a MC session where you think this will happen.
