The intimacy thing is massive. But only you know whether it is fantastical on your part and whether it had gone some time ago.
Mine had and so I had to ask myself why. I stopped feeling connection and I didn't care enough to work to put it back. When I look back, I knew it had happened when it was happening and I still didn't care enough to put any work into it. That truth is often masked by the shock of DB and the survival instinct that kicks in with us. That instinct disguised the truth of my M.
So you already know that 'laying it on the table' is not a good idea. Because words are cheap. You are very close to detaching. You are starting to appreciate "I am failing to convince myself" The balance of your dynamic is shifting so that what you want is becoming paramount over what you want to convince him of. Eventually you will separate the two and for me that is detachment.
For me this was the most painful bit. It would have been easier to say that I wanted to wait and stand in many ways rather than have to dig very deep and admit what I wanted. It would have been easier to cling onto what I knew and not allow the reality of a future without him to be realised. I didn't want to accept that what we once were was truly gone; that the person I had known for 30 years had gone. I had to accept the evidence. It is hard.
I really don't think you should say these things to him, because it puts you back not forward, it puts you at risk of rejection and changes this emerging dynamic. Then you'll find yourself at the same point over and over again.
You can act them though. Try them on for size. To truly work out what you want you need this time, distance and introspection.
Don't push those feelings of grief and sadness away. Take yourself off where you can allow them to be if that is possible.
