SoloFlex,

I can't tell you what to believe in, or how to walk this road that has emerged in front of you. I can show the what shoes are available. Truth is - there are the shoes, that will make the walk somewhat easier and comfortable, and there are the shoes, that will drag this along for the rest of your life, and cause a lot of unneeded hurt in your life.. What you need to know is, that no matter what pair you choose, you will find yourself walking the counterintuitive path, it will be confusing, it will hurt and it will be a a long walk...


Heres the deal.. We all come here with the mindset, that our situation is special, and because of that, the solution is somewhat different. The fact is, sorry, that thats rarely the case. What is different is, the persons coming here, trying to save their marriage. Its how the person responds to the advice they are given. Are they accepting the fact, that an OM most likely exists, that the M is over, and that what needs to happen is a complete detachment, in order to MAYBE rebuild a NEW marriage down the road? or do they brush that advice off, and think the advice is foolish? Neither person is wrong, because... you know what you think is best, and if you think your path is the right one, then dont take all the advice on - I am just saying, its almost ridiculous, how often the pattern turns out to be the same with newcomers here.

Heres my take on your situation:

You had something great, a marriage - now you dont, and you are hurting. You are trying desperately to find out why it crashed and burned, and what you should have done differently, because surely the fault lies with you right? Please, it takes two to do the dance, but only one to find dessert elsewhere, she most likely did, sorry. Do not put her on a piedestal, and make all the problems about you, thats not helping you by any means.

Kisses, hugs, laughs... Cake eating, securing you as plan B, Insecurities with plan A... There are several reasons to why this could happen, and none of them might have anything to do with her wanting a M with you.

You working out is great, takes mind of things, and gets you in shape, builds attraction. You telling here regarding the new experienced distance in the relationship: "I am working on me", is great... Now show her that you are... Stop talking... It doesnt matter with the crying, its not getting you the effect you want it to, trust me.. Go out and do stuff for you, be scarce.. If she talks and you are home, be polite and upbeat, but do not initiate conversation. Keep going to the gym.. Keep making this about you, keep giving her the space she needs.

You will soon be very wiser on your situation. We all were..

I am rooting for you!


BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018.
EA: June 2018
PA: August 2018 - ongoing
Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids
WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.