Here is a thought Niall11. Why do most men want most things to stay the same? Why do they enjoy familiarity? Why do women frequently change or desire change? Think about their biology and ours? There is something I am coming to terms with today. Men love idealisticly and women love opportunisticly. If we aren't checking all of their boxes in a relationship, when it comes to security, trust, spirituality, growth, sexuality, intimacy, emotionally, parenthood, growth, value, etc, eventually familiarity breeds contempt. Feelings change, and a huge justification comes with them. We have to lead and steer the ship part of the relation-ship. We have to captain it and keep growing, or we run the risk of then outgrowing us. Hence I understand why everyone here says to GAL, focus on you, self differentiate, be a good parent, etc. I want you to carefully think about who you were when the R started, and who you are now in the midst of all this. Our WAW's or WW don't like WHO THEY ARE when they are with us any more. We went from the New Kid On The Block to the Old $hit On The Corner. Have you noticed that the W was the gatekeeper of the duration of the R, and now that they want out, want to GGW, want their freedom and independence, they have no desire to work on the M? We see it as selfish, anti-family, anti marriage, etc. How do you think they were thinking/feeling/assessing the R before BD? I think we as men not only need to understand their way of thinking, but also understand that the M or the R is about HOW WE MAKE THEM FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES. If we aren't challenging ourselves to grow through apathy, complacency, neglect, status quo, etc.. we aren't challenging them or the R to grow as well. This is why they get so confused and have conflict with themselves before BD. Because their intutition and feelings tell them "something is wrong" they want change, etc. and we are behind in offering it to them and recognizing it in the moments. Im willing to bet after BD that the reason why they seem like strangers to us, why it appears like an MLC, why it appears selfish, and sometimes it is, is because their feelings, their desire for chsnge, to start a new is greater than the pain of apathy of staying in the M. Do they always bow out in a healthy way? Not always...But Seriously think about who you are now, and who you were when the R started. What you were doing with your life, how much you self differentiated, etc, get back to thst, go out and GAL, and develop the new you.
