Your boundary should be no R discussions. If she brings it up and wants to chit chat about things, then validate and actively listen. Pulling away and doing your own thing with a positive attitude is what you need to do. Don't be cold or mean or rude. If she engages, then engage and follow the validation path.
Another boundary should be that you shouldn't take disrespect and yelling etc from her. If she is mad at you, then calmly state that you're willing to have the conversation but not while emotions are running high, and you'll disengage if she continues this. And if she does, just politely end the convo and walk away. That's showing balls too.
So figure out what your boundaries first are. What are you willing to accept and what is outside of that. The boundaries are not about teaching her a lesson etc, they are to protect you and what is important to you.
Having gone through this, I know this dance is difficult and sometimes feels contradictory. Also don't over analyze every single interaction. If you think something went poorly, make a mental note to do it differently. One bad interaction isn't going to sink the ship.
Boundary setting should be done in general - even in healthy relationships. So doing it before BD is totally fine.
I stopped initiating R discussions. About 3 weeks ago I said I wanted to talk in person to share some feelings (mostly to apologize in person as I had only done so in a series of letters and e-mails). But she said maybe we could go to my IC so I could "share my feelings" - pretty condescendingly honestly. So yeah I stopped.
She asked if I wanted to do that sometime this month, or go to MC in June or July. I just said "I'm most interested in couples." and left it at that. I know what's coming.
She doesn't really yell or do much of anything around me. I wonder sometimes if the narrative in her head is that I punished her with space and distance for not giving me affection. In my head, she was angry and prickly and she clearly did not want affection initiated by me. What a mess. Sometimes I feel if MC1 was more effective, things would have turned out differently.
But it is what it is... I'm doing better about avoiding over-analysis. It's tough.
