I try to find positivity and happiness in little things, small improvements, things I didn't notice before. It creates a nice little positive feedback loop which has kickstarted me feeling better about myself the last week or so.
Examples:
* When I watch my kids alone now, I am so much calmer and relaxed. Before (and even now to some extent), I would try to do what my W wanted me to do. But on my own, I am calm. I discipline calmly, I feel more connected to them on my own.
* In the process of dealing with this, I reached out to a few long-lost friends. It feels good to reconnect. It feels good to know these people, who in some cases I haven't spoken to in years, are so supportive. They do not blindly go along with me, they challenge me, but in a kind way. It feels good to know I have good instincts, to surround myself with good people, that my friends are there for me in tough times, even though in my codependency I tended to distance myself from friends.
* I asked my boss for less work and more flex time. Partly to help my M, partly because I know I will need it soon expecting to be a single dad. I just up and did it. It felt good to stand up for myself and what I needed.
* I took the initiative to fix some things around the house without asking W. In the past, I felt I needed her permission. Now I'm just doing those things. It feels good, and whether she is angry or happy, I am content either way.
* I think about the future. A month ago, I thought I would be a single dad in a crappy run-down apartment seeing his kids 2 days a month. Now? Yeah, my kids are young, I'm likely to have an every-other-weekend kind of arrangement. Guess what? I'll have free time to go see friends, take on a new hobby, go do some things I want to do. Would I rather be happily married? ABSOLUTELY. But not to the W I see today. I am unhappy in this limbo, in this friendship M with no affection, no concern about me.
