Yes, my use of control to soothe my anxieties is a big part of what my husband took issue with in our marriage. And yes, hand in hand with that goes over apologizing and checking in after a hiccup to make sure everything is ok with my H. I came to the conclusion even before reading your response Alison, that my intentions with wanting to further apologize weren't completely pure---it was partly a desire to manage the situation and my anxiety around how he might be feeling, so I didn't text him. Saw him again last night and he appeared to have let it go. The evening was fine, I had dinner with H and our D3 before leaving for the rest of the evening. Then at our daughter's bedtime we had another small hiccup (again!?) i was frustrated with 3 year old's bed time antics and was feeling particularly unsupported by H. I swallow a lot of those moments these days, but this time I commented on it and he got a bit defensive. We did, however, talk it through and repair it pretty quickly (a new and very nice addition to the way we relate to each other). After we had talked it through, he sat down next to me to show me a picture on his phone. For a moment he looked at me, and I looked at him and it felt like a MOMENT, like something was about to happen or be said, and then he patted me on the back. I don't know what that was. On his way out the door he told me that he thinks I'm a phenomenal parent, which was very kind. I thanked him for saying that, and for talking things through with me. He said no problem, and stumbled over his words and said that he wants to...be good co-parents. UGH. As much as I try, those kind of comments just knock me down. It was all such a roller coaster over such a short period, and I was more upset than I have been in a while after he left. I don't know what to make of any of it (what else is new??) I fell all keyed up, so I'm trying to focus on managing my anxiety today, and on going into Mothers Day free of any expectations, which is proving to be surprisingly easy.
