Living in the Now

[Dawn70]

Your recent posts have surprised me a bit. You are an intelligent, tough, fierce woman and it surprises me that you would put up with someone going through your personal stuff. If one of us was posting that our man was doing what CMM is doing, you would be the first one to jump in and say that we shouldn't stand for it. I think you are a kind, compassionate and caring person, but you certainly wouldn't advise other women to stand by a man just because he was sick. It is admirable, honestly, that you have stuck by him to lend him your medical knowledge and to be there to help him navigate the uncertainty of all he's dealing with. That is the stand-up thing to do and you have done it with grace, dignity and strength that makes it so easy to see why so many on this board respect and value your opinions. We don't know each other in real life, but I well imagine that you just absolutely are one of those people who have your stuff together.

I say all that to ask this: are you happy? Because, despite his sickness, if you are not happy, what is the real reason for sticking this out? I may be making incorrect assumptions, but it almost seems like you have shifted from girlfriend to caregiver. I don't remember the last time you posted about something kind or loving or anything that CMM had done. Most of your posts are about his extreme OCD or how he is intolerant of your children or his sickness. Maybe I'm a crowd of 1 here, but I just don't think you should feel obligated in any way to stay with him if you are unhappy, just because he is sick. He was dealt a sh!tty hand of cards, but that isn't your fault and honestly, it isn't his either.

Apparently some posts are getting all up in my feels today and striking some deeply personal cords and this one definitely is because my XH had some serious medical issues and almost died and I stood by his side because I loved him and wanted to help him through it all. Then, when the danger was passed, he dumped me for someone who had not had to dress his wounds, help him bathe, do EVERYTHING for him. He tossed me aside like I was no more than a nurse, though I had been the one who sat by his bed while he was unconscious in ICU. I slept on the cold hard floor in the cramped, cold waiting area and sat and held his hand and rubbed his hair during the 2 hour time slots I could get into his room, only to go sit back in the cold, dank waiting room for hours just to get a few hours at a time with him. It is a thankless and tireless task to deal with someone who is in the throes a serious medical issue, as you well know. Don't let that cloud your responsibilities to yourself and taking care of you. You are doing a noble thing standing up for CMM, but don't let it drag you down in the process.