I guess I am happy that he's taken this concrete action and done it without my asking him. It's a big deal. I think my hanging back and saying I'd think about it was the best thing, and I need more time to think about it. But if I am going to go ahead, I want him to set up the appointments. I am more flexible than he is. I also want us to be splitting the cost 50/50.
That all sounds good. It IS a big deal, but he has dangled the carrot out there before and then yanked it away when you went for it. This is kind of typical of MLCers, they go in and out of the tunnel for quite a while.
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I am hugely doubtful he has the ability to communicate without blame and viciousness nor to respond to my asking for anything without blame-shifting, point scoring or other types of evasion. I am so done with the way he communicates. We can be cordial enough so long as I don't set any boundaries. Any hint of 'no' or 'that isn't acceptable' and he returns to old patterns. I've seen small changes and a moderation in the level of spite and contempt, but it is still there and I am still scared of it and my fear still shapes my behaviour. Repair isn't possible until he learns to do differently and I learn not to be afraid. Still, perhaps a good MC might help teach him that.
You are absolutely right to be concerned because that is unlikely to change until he really feels like he has lost you and has to change his ways to get you back. I think you're doing the right thing in not just jumping back into a R with him, and telling him you need time and to think about things. I would avoid having any deep talks with him unless it's in front of a counselor who can mediate if he starts to go off the rails like he is prone to do.
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I don't trust him. I worry he's up to something.
Of course you don't, after what you've been through you'd be crazy to trust him! He has got to EARN your trust back. That is on HIM, not you! And it will take a lot of time and changed behavior on his part.
