I agree on MC. I posted on my separate thread that if we go back, I want to first speak individually with the MC (we did this before). I want to be clear that I am not interested in MC if my W’s goal is not to stay married.
It's difficult to enforce that though. My W gave me the cold shoulder last Sept. and Oct. I suggested counseling several times and she said no. Then she told me (about Oct. 21) she's been feeling attracted to women lately but denied vehemently that there was anyone in particular. A week later I accidentally found out that she had a serious crush on a new (female) coworker.
After a few days I said I needed to know where I stood. She didn't want to be pressured, I felt like I needed to know, and after hours of talking she said we needed to part ways. I started packing, she panicked, said not to go and we could do the counseling. I asked if it was to save the marriage. She said, and repeated for the next six weeks, that her "number one goal" was fixing the marriage.
We went to counseling but something seemed very off. I deliberately snooped in her phone for the one and only time, and found that the entire time we were in counseling she had been texting nonstop with her friend, asking how to make an affair with OW happen, making fun of me, celebrating if the counselor said something tough to me.
They can say it's to fix the marriage because they're scared, or want to say they tried, but if they're not really invested it won't work.
M 44, W 32 T 10, M 8 D 2 Oct '18: Fantasy affair with OW1 (yes, W) Feb '19: Inseparable from new lesbian BFF Still live together but a lot of tension
