Today I did another house project and planted some new plants and finished building my new dresser after work. W came home as I was working outside and we had some playful making fun of each other banter. She made a comment about how what I was doing was “very interesting. This is all just very interesting”. She has said this often lately and I believe it is in regards to all my 180s. Seems she is still skeptical at times or something.
We had swim class with our S. I don’t think I got into this but a few days ago I told my W that I had bought swim lessons on a separate account than hers and intended to take him without her. She felt very strongly that she wanted to be involved in this as a family. So anyway we signed up for one today and she went with me.
Swim class went well and a few times our son waved to her. (I go in the pool with him, W refuses) A lot of the time she was glued to her phone. Side note: she definitely has some sort of smart phone addiction. This is nothing new so I’m not insinuating she was texting OM or anything. It normally doesn’t bother me, but as I have really stepped up the amount of parenting I do, I am starting to realize how much she focuses on her phone over our son. Like come on it’s a 15 minute class, can’t you just enjoy your kid for a few minutes. I didn’t verbalize this to her it was just a thought.
After class I went to the front desk and solved some problem regarding our account. A 180 as previously I let my W handle most of the child related stuff. We were in the car heading home and W suggested we go shopping because S needed diapers. I agreed. We had a good conversation in the car.
At the store I employed 2 pretty big 180s for me. Previously I would rush through shopping. Whenever W wanted to stop and look at clothes or something I would become annoyed and say something like we don’t have time for this, let’s go. Today I was very patient and happily let her browse through a few sections. She asked my opinion on some clothes and I reacted positively.
The other big 180 was about footing the bill. I previously would be very shallow about funds. After a shopping trip like this I would expect my W to give me some money if I paid for the shopping bill. This I have come to realize is pretty ridiculous as I make far more money than she does and should be providing for my family without complaints. Especially when the majority of it was for my son. I did let my wife get a few small things and she seemed genuinely grateful.
As we got back into the car my W suggested that we go out to eat. Something that she brought up last week but didn’t follow through on. We haven’t had dinner out together since pre BD. I agreed that the food she suggested sounded good. She suggested we eat there but I told her I would prefer if we got it to go as I still needed to do a GAL workout. Also I know Michelle said to not seem overly available and accept every invitation so after shopping together I felt this was okay. We got food (I paid again without a complaint) and we had a nice conversation while waiting for our order.
So yeah seemed like a good night and actually the most normal I have felt with her since BD. It seems that things have improved quite a lot since BD. I just wish I had more time. I think my W jumped the gun with this S. If she didn’t have her mom living with us I don’t think her S plan would have worked out so smoothly because there is no way she could afford to move out without her mom. Oh well that’s how it is and I have to deal with it.
So my question is in regards to LRT. I am almost done with DR book. Michele discusses using LRT when physically separated from W. But she also describes that after performing LRT you may get to a point where things are improving and things are going better with the spouse.
I kind of feel that I am already at a better place with my W after 180s, validation, GAL and am wondering if I go LRT all of a sudden the day she moves out this could be a negative to the progress I have already seen. Things are night and day from BD to now. We are having good conversations, joking around, doing things together we did before BD, interacting with physical touch. A lot of things still need to be improved but I am concerned that if I go LRT after the S it could be a setback.
Does anyone know the part of DR I am referring to where Michelle discusses things getting better and refers to it as the “second possible response” to LRT. Granted I haven’t done LRT yet but what she describes seems similar to my current sitch. Any advice would be appreciated.
