Just a daily update here, with a question at the bottom:
Last week I spoke to my boss about flexing some hours. I would call this a 180 but it was a day or two before I discovered DR. Today I worked from home, picked up S7 from school, and took S7 and D5 down to after-school activities. It is a rare occasion for me but I’m hoping to make this a weekly thing. Every Thursday, either go to office early or WFH, then handle after-school stuff.
I see no downside. Whether D happens or not, I have more work-life balance, W has a bit of a break, I feel great about this all around. I feel good about my motivation - I’m doing this for me, and even better it is something that gives my W a break from child-care. I’m going to need this flexibility if the D happens.
While at home, W brought me breakfast and lunch in the office, both unexpected. It’s easy to focus on the negative, but these were very nice appreciated gestures and I thanked her… not overly gracious or anything. She still gives me updates on how her family and friends are doing. She left for dinner with a colleague tonight, and said goodbye to the kids and gave them each so many hugs and kisses, I got a “bye.” So confusing. I keep thinking it’s like being in the Friend Zone, maybe she’s just coaching me for our life to come, where it will be in our best interest raising 3 kids to be friends. I’m learning to stop trying to figure it out and just work on my actions and behaviors. That’s why I’m attracted to this forum and DR, it’s simple, and avoids obsessing about everything.
On another note… I have a question to the forum. W has vaguely talked about going back to MC in June or July. Her commitment sounds very wishy-washy to me. Especially because in the past she has been so insistent on needing MC. I am fighting back my tendency to try to predict the future, but I do think it is likely that MC will be her way of letting me down easy, or giving me the BD in a safe place.
When we first went to MC, we both spoke separately on the phone with the therapist to give some background. My thought is to insist on having the same individual conversations ahead of time, and then telling the counselor that I am not particularly interested in MC unless my W and I share the same goal: staying married, working through things. Otherwise, MC is really for my W to feel better about herself, which she can do in IC. I don’t feel like she is going to provide answers that help me find my own closure.
