Niall 2: Drifting Apart

[Niall11]

I feel exactly the way you do, Niall. D is not what I want. I want to work on the issues. I want to fix my flaws, I want to go to MC and work hard, together, with my W. I have anger and resentment that she resists. (Keep in mind I haven't had the BD yet, but I know it's coming in the next 1-2 months). I think S or D will lead to unhappiness. I fight anger and resentment.

The last thing you said is exactly right - you can't control it, you can only accept it, and work on yourself. All the blaming (either of yourself, or your W, or both) and resentment and anger, although completely understandable and part of this process, will not help you. Focus on things that are helpful to achieving your personal goals.

J'aime les chiens.

I've read a bit of your story and I see similarities and some differences. FWIW, my wife hasn't done a single thing about divorce. Hasn't even spoken the word. Closest she's come is to say she doesn't want to work on the relationship. Her actions say she's done, at least for the moment, and that's what matters. The most important thing (easier said than done) is to do the work on yourself without constantly worrying if it will make her notice and have a change of heart.

I had the exact same instincts as you, but I would say not to go to MC at this point. I did, and the counselor was anti-divorce but I'm not sure was the right fit for us. W went with me the first time, then insisted on going separately and basically treated her sessions as IC. The counselor broached with her having both of us come in again, and she pulled the plug. If the (potential) WAS is not invested, often they treat it as something they can cross off on a checklist. Tried that, didn't work, guess the marriage is doomed. It really takes two people willing to do the work.