I know. I was horrible. It wasn't like that all the time, but I was bad. I feel terrible. It's like I slipped into a pattern. I should say that he cheated on my 16 years ago, and that's when I began 90% of the controlling behavior.
Just think about how you can do 180's on that. If you haven't apologized to him about how you treated him regarding his mother then do so. And I don't just mean saying "I'm sorry", but tell him what you felt you did wrong, and that you want to apologize even though you know it probably won't change your situation. Just apologize once and make it count. LBS's sometimes fall into the trap of generic apologies, and/or apologizing over and over again.
Originally Posted by AlisonUK
I think the only thing you can do is give him loads and time and space. And get rid of the cameras in your house so you can have time and space and privacy too.
Yes to both!
Originally Posted by InLove42
I am going to read the book this weekend. I haven't read it yet, but I do know that we will have no excuse to talk even though he keeps saying he wants us to still be friends.
I wonder whether he is only doing that in order to make me comply with the divorce and the selling of the house.
A LOT of WAS's say they want to be friends. There's usually nothing nefarious about it, it's just their way of moving on while still maintaining some contact. It's a little bit of cake-eating.
Originally Posted by InLove42
I understand that Alison, but he is divorcing me. So my giving him space is the end of our relationship.
No, the relationship is ALREADY over. You MUST give him time and space, it is the only way going forward. If you pursue, beg, plead and are super needy that is EXTREMELY unattractive and will just push him farther away. You are laying the groundwork for a possible future relationship with him, not trying to save the existing one.
