So, It's been quite a while since I've posted here, but wanted to give an update. I've decided that if/when D happens, I will not be staying in the area. I'm actually going to visit another city at the beginning of June (somewhere I've never lived) that's got more to offer than where I currently am. I have some good friends living there, and can afford a place downtown on my own, and feel that this would be a very good place to start fresh. My boss is completely supporting this, which is really nice. I've told W that I do not plan to stay in the house past the beginning of July, and will be leaving the city as well.
I actually think that sounds like a really great idea, assuming your are doing it 100% because you want to and not to "punish" your W. It sounds like you have the right reasons though.
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The dynamic between W and I has started to shift. W's been trying to encourage me to stay here, sending me links to condos and apartments less than a mile from our house (even though she knows I plan to leave). She's completely stopped yelling when we interact, finds reasons to text or call every day, and has been coming by the house more often. She came by on Monday to pick some things up, and I was making tacos. I invited her to stay and eat, and we had a really nice time. No R talks, just catching up and hanging out. I know that on some level this is cake eating, but it was really really nice to just spend some stress-free time together. After dinner, W asked if we could have dinner together once a week. I told her that I'm really busy, and I'll think about it.
I think you are right, she's starting to see some REAL detachment versus just detaching as a trick to get her back. And she's starting to realize she may lose you. Unfortunately it doesn't mean she wants to recon, but she's trying to keep you on as Plan B.
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W also texted me asking if we could go to therapy together. I asked her why, and she said "so that you can have a better understanding of why we are separating, and so we do this gracefully without anger and resentment. We both love each other and I don't want things to end negatively." I replied that I need to think about that, and have not discussed it since. If she brings it up, I plan to tell her no, and that she's welcome to see a therapist on her own to achieve those goals (not sure if she is still going to IC, haven't asked).
