For me achieving some degree of understanding what has happened to my marriage is necessary to begin the process of moving forward. I never will truly understand all of it, I doubt she will either, but I don't know how to move forward without making some sense of something that rocked my entire world.
Believe me I understand your motivation. Just please try and listen to someone who has already been down that road- you need to let go of that need to understand. It will just eat you up. A lot of us male LBS's that end up here are very intelligent, analytical types. We feel like we need to understand and make sense of it and apply logic to it. But a WAS is driven purely by emotions that they typically don't even understand themselves. It just doesn't make sense and it never will.
Quote
Understood. But if this plays out to its most likely conclusion, at best I'm splitting time with my daughter. That to me is a very severe punishment.
You can choose to see it that way. Personally I think it's much healthier if you choose to see it as a change in your life that may be against your will, but was inevitable. Your situation changed, your marriage changed, and it got to the point where it could no longer be sustained. You think it's your W's fault? She would probably tell us it's your fault. The healthiest thing for YOU is to let go of the blame, accept your situation and make the best of it. Your way will lead to anger and resentment. My way will lead to peace, contentment, and eventually happiness. How do I know? Because I've already walked the walk.
