Niall 2: Drifting Apart

[Niall11]

I dealt with the exact same scenario! My exWW would never make a decision on anything or speak up and voice her opinion. I think I wrote about it in my threads. I would suggest something and give her my thoughts on a subject and she would agree. I can't read minds. If someone agrees with me, I have to assume they actually agree with the subject matter at hand! Come to find out after BD, she now thinks that she never got to "voice" her opinion. Even though I would come talk to her about any decision. (e.g. Me: Would it be alright if I go to Canada bear hunting? Her: Sure, it sounds like a blast). Not sure if its just her rewriting history or if she truly felt like she couldn't voice an opinion.

My W has -- from my POV -- completely rewritten history to suggest that I "decided everything we did." Also that I wouldn't "allow" her to go out without me or to have people come over to our house. In my mind I encouraged both. Among our family and friends she is notorious for not wanting anyone to come over here, and for texting me nonstop ("When are you coming home? Where are you?") every single time I went out to do anything. Even Saturday morning errands. Seems like projection. She knows she got mad when I did anything alone, so she assumed I got mad when she did and self-censored.

Like everyone says, its a marathon not a sprint. They need to go through the process and realize it's them not us that create their unhappiness. Eventually, I would think they will open their eyes to the fact that every relationship they enter into after us goes down the same path and they are the common denominator. But, maybe not. The good news is, at that point, we don't have to deal with it anymore!

I don't see that as good news, I see it as an absolute tragedy. I've often read on here that the LBS ends up in a better place than the WAS because the BD and DB process force introspection and an effort at self-improvement. The WAS is not going through the same process. I think it's really unfortunate that a once-happy couple is destroyed and kids' family live changed forever because one person isn't willing or able to self-examine.