My husband changed his phone number and decided to tell me he was leaving a week ago. He filed for divorce only 4 days after telling me. We don't have children, so there is nothing keeping him around. We do have joint property, a house, that he wants to make minor changes to in order to sell. I was devastated. We have been together for 23 years, and as far as I knew, we had a wonderful relationship. We like the same movies and events, attended the ballet together, watched BBC together, had long conversations about everything, were best friends, excellent lovers, laughed and joked, shared the same spiritual path, the same political affiliation, had interests in similar stuff: astronomy, philosophy, etc.
I recently found his biological mother, 3 and 1/2 months ago, and he had been spending a lot of time talking to her. I was accustomed to getting his full attention, so I became jealous. I insisted he draw boundaries. He told her. He started telling her stuff he would never tell me. She started hating me. When I found out, I insisted he tell her we were a packaged deal and there was no way that he was going to go there without me all the time. He kept saying he didn't want to set boundaries because it was his mother. I told him he barely knew her. He told her all of his. He started betraying me to talk to her. They texted more and more. They talked on the phone more and more. He would go to her house (she lives 2 hours away), and they would talk on the phone all the way back. They insisted being alone. I railed against him. I nagged, tried to cajole, became angry. I don't know why. I found out too late that this level of obsession for adults who find their birth mothers is normal, but at the time I thought it was obsessive.
He is divorcing me. Now he says I was controlling and manipulative. He says I tried to keep them apart. He is 44 and moving in with his newfound birth mother. I begged and pleaded, tried to get him to give me another chance to no avail. He does not want to work on our marriage.
I tried to implement the "I don't care" attitude. He has cameras up in the house. I said clearly that I don't care. He watched the cameras, using them to spy on me. Now he's throwing that in my face. I am under scrutiny for everything I do and don't do. I have read the advice, but my head is swimming. I just want my husband back!
