Niall 2: Drifting Apart

[Niall11]

I think you're getting too caught up in trying to "understand" your WW. I get it, we all go there but it's a cheeseless tunnel. You will never understand her actions. Try to let go of that need to understand her and what she does and focus on you.

For me achieving some degree of understanding what has happened to my marriage is necessary to begin the process of moving forward. I never will truly understand all of it, I doubt she will either, but I don't know how to move forward without making some sense of something that rocked my entire world.

W is, in effect, now punishing me for her own past inability to assert herself or differentiate.

Also try and understand this simple fact- she left you and she can no longer control you/ punish you UNLESS YOU LET HER. You may be living under the same roof but that doesn't mean you can't put a stop to the controlling and punishing. That's exactly what boundaries are all about.

Understood. But if this plays out to its most likely conclusion, at best I'm splitting time with my daughter. That to me is a very severe punishment. I'm starting to get past the other "punishment" aspects, I am thinking about W, her actions, and her motivations as little as possible. I don't care where she goes or when she comes home, except she's neglecting our D2.

But unilaterally obliterating my family unit -- which everyone here seems to agree she can do -- is a big deal. Even if I'm doing my own thing and she's not "controlling" anything else, thinking about the future date when I don't live with D2 full time is frustrating and maddening.