Niall 2: Drifting Apart

[Wanted1]

And it hit me like a freight train. She was working out every day, going to rock climbing gyms and obstacle course gyms, and bikram yoga gyms, because Original BFF was a workout fiend and they were inseparable last fall. Without Original BFF driving it, wife doesn't work out. New BFF, a relationship that in my view is way too much way too soon to be healthy, is a dance instructor but hates the gym. So now it's dancing 4 nights a week.

All the times I'd ask W where she wanted to go for dinner and she said, "I don't know, you pick, I picked last time" (she hadn't) came flooding back. She latches on to a person and never, ever wants to disappoint that person. She is not good at telling anyone what she really wants. I know she loves sushi and would suggest a Japanese restaurant, she'd say no because she didn't believe I really wanted to eat that. Then, years later, text Original BFF furiously about how I never "let" her eat sushi. Original BFF, the most biased of shoulders, would respond, "OMG, how selfish of him."

W is, in effect, now punishing me for her own past inability to assert herself or differentiate. But she's repeating the same pattern in her other relationships. Not that W doesn't like the dancing, or didn't like the workouts. But it's still someone else setting the agenda and her tagging along like a puppy dog, and one day she'll realize that and resent it.

I dealt with the exact same scenario! My exWW would never make a decision on anything or speak up and voice her opinion. I think I wrote about it in my threads. I would suggest something and give her my thoughts on a subject and she would agree. I can't read minds. If someone agrees with me, I have to assume they actually agree with the subject matter at hand! Come to find out after BD, she now thinks that she never got to "voice" her opinion. Even though I would come talk to her about any decision. (e.g. Me: Would it be alright if I go to Canada bear hunting? Her: Sure, it sounds like a blast). Not sure if its just her rewriting history or if she truly felt like she couldn't voice an opinion. She's tried telling me she always thought it was her job to make me (or any man in her life) happy. I guess she determined that that is my fault in the end. She has always been passionate about running. Constantly training for the next marathon. AP3 is/was really into bike riding. Guess what her new hobby/passion is now?! She still runs, but before she left, she was adding new, upgraded, pedals to her bike and a bunch of other random accessories. She would go on these long, long bike rides all of a sudden. A follower, just like yours.

Like everyone says, its a marathon not a sprint. They need to go through the process and realize it's them not us that create their unhappiness. Eventually, I would think they will open their eyes to the fact that every relationship they enter into after us goes down the same path and they are the common denominator. But, maybe not. The good news is, at that point, we don't have to deal with it anymore!