IHCLACS...I'm paddling the same boat as you. I have been informed that my wife cannot heal in the house we live in because of my years of abuse. There are definitely things that I was aware of - I grew up in an abusive household, but then so did my wife. I am not the original abuser but I have definitely contributed to things that needed to change.
My wife told me 18 months ago that she no longer wanted to be married "like this" - however what I didn't know is that she already had cut another stallion from the group.
I read the book Emotionally Destructive Marriage and there was lots of great info that I needed to apply to my own life with respect to my marriage. I also read The Emotionally Abusive Relationship which was also very valuable.
At this point, my wife believes that she'll never feel safe with me again, never develop feelings for intimacy with me again. And I can't stop those.
So here we are....working on myself, preparing myself for likely a new relationship in the future, a healthy relationship with my kids (as the one I had with my dad was total crap)
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
