And it hit me like a freight train. She was working out every day, going to rock climbing gyms and obstacle course gyms, and bikram yoga gyms, because Original BFF was a workout fiend and they were inseparable last fall. Without Original BFF driving it, wife doesn't work out. New BFF, a relationship that in my view is way too much way too soon to be healthy, is a dance instructor but hates the gym. So now it's dancing 4 nights a week.
All the times I'd ask W where she wanted to go for dinner and she said, "I don't know, you pick, I picked last time" (she hadn't) came flooding back. She latches on to a person and never, ever wants to disappoint that person. She is not good at telling anyone what she really wants. I know she loves sushi and would suggest a Japanese restaurant, she'd say no because she didn't believe I really wanted to eat that. Then, years later, text Original BFF furiously about how I never "let" her eat sushi. Original BFF, the most biased of shoulders, would respond, "OMG, how selfish of him."
I think you're getting too caught up in trying to "understand" your WW. I get it, we all go there but it's a cheeseless tunnel. You will never understand her actions. Try to let go of that need to understand her and what she does and focus on you.
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W is, in effect, now punishing me for her own past inability to assert herself or differentiate.
Also try and understand this simple fact- she left you and she can no longer control you/ punish you UNLESS YOU LET HER. You may be living under the same roof but that doesn't mean you can't put a stop to the controlling and punishing. That's exactly what boundaries are all about.
