Hmm, I've been reflecting and you have some valid points Yorkie. The text was so I knew his vague price for the car so I have something to compare it with. In the past he has over-valued cars we've sold and I've ended up taking less, so I will need his baseline in order to moderate his expectations. Not getting back to him on it was a bit childish though.
Friday night: we made a commitment to meet up once a week and I don't want to break that commitment right now. If we don't see each other in a low pressure environment then I don't feel like we'll make any progress. Maybe I'm completely wrong and I need to just go dark, but I'm not ready for that yet. In May and June we have a couple of weeks when we won't see each other due to pre-arranged stuff, so he might or might not feel the loss of me then, in the meantime I'm ok with being friendly and having no expectations, that might change.

So this morning I rang him. He was hungover. Hmm. Anyway, I said I wanted to discuss his behaviour on Saturday and I said that it wasn't acceptable to behave like that. I said that if he thought we were friends that I would never allow a friend to treat me like that, and that if he had worked himself into a tizzy about spending the weekend with me that was his problem and he needed to get over himself and behave better. I said that it was HIS suggestion to spend the weekend together, not mine, and that I had no expectations other than going and having fun together. He said he found it 'stressful' seeing me, and I said I didn't find it particularly stressful, I am fairly calm about things now and don't want to think about the future or the past but just want to get on with my life and my very busy work and see him occasionally and enjoy spending time together. He apologised for his behaviour on Saturday and made some excuses about needing a holiday. I said I couldn't talk to him about his behaviour on Saturday because he was clearly in a rage and then drunk. He said when he was like that that he probably didn't want to talk. I said if he needed space in that situation then he needed to tell me and not just take out his mood on me, that wasn't fair. He agreed with that.

Anyway, I feel much better now I've got that out. It took me some time to think about how I felt about the whole situation on Saturday, and how I'm no longer willing to tolerate his anger or misinterpretations of me being 'upset'. I don't feel like I could have productively tackled it on Saturday, but I feel good about not letting it slide. Our marriage was full of his critical, angry behaviour, and I definitely do not want that angry critical husband back. When he left he said he wanted to be a better person, and for a couple of months I did see a better person, but he has backslid big time since the end of March. I don't expect him to be perfect, he is entitled to his feelings, but he is not entitled to treat me badly. I have made far too many allowances for him and his stressful job. He chooses to stay in his stressful job, and he chooses to drink too much, but he can also choose to treat me with respect and care.

I feel quite calm, I don't feel frightened of him or of the future right now. What will be will be, I don't feel the need to push anything or be impatient for change because he is not in that place and might not be. I will keep working on myself. I've made some really fun GAL plans for the next few months and am looking forward to those. He can move to the backburner. Maybe he's my plan B now, lol.