No good deed goes unpunished. That's what my ex used to say. And that's what I'm beginning to think about this relationship with CMM.
Quick synopsis for those who haven't been following along: Met online, started dating a year ago, 3 months in he loses his job (tariffs affect the company he's working for) and three weeks later he's diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.
I step up to the plate, going with him to all his chemo, bringing all my medical knowledge to bear on adjunctive treatment, buying him supplements, etc etc.
Late fall, I use his laptop to access my email, I think I've closed it but apparently I didn't sign out, he goes crazy going through all my emails and is furious that I haven't been 100% honest about communication with my crazy exBF. It's true - he was so irrationally jealous that I hid some things from him - I didn't think his jealousy was reason enough to completely cut off crazy exBF from simple help like refilling a prescription or giving him a few more months to figure out a storage solution for the stuff he still had stored in my garage. It's not in me to be mean, and I'd rather crazy exBF, who suffers from bipolar, be stable enough not to land on my doorstep, and feel these few things help keep him steadier.
Anyway, we get through that. Occasionally CMM wants to check my text messages or such. Tonight I'm home sick with bronchitis and he insists on looking at my phone. He starts digging through my photos. Once he gets to last summer I make him stop. I know he's eventually going to get to old pictures that include crazy exBF and I'm sick and don't feel like dealing with his jealousy. Plus it just feels like a super creepy invasion of my privacy. Now he's giving me the silent treatment (really? At this age?????)
I've NEVER dealt with a jealous lover, I've NEVER cheated on a lover, and I've bent over backwards to care for CMM despite him driving my family members crazy with his insane OCD. I have NO interest in getting back together with crazy exBF, I just don't want to see him dead or living on the street, and if I can prevent that by a couple simple acts of kindness I will.
I don't think great sex and good cooking is enough to make me want to stay in this relationship. I don't want to abandon this guy while he's in the middle of treatment, estranged from his daughters, and with no real social supports. But really, if it hadn't been for his cancer, I think I would have broken this off a while ago. It's not working for me. If he can't appreciate all the effing effort I've put in to helping him and taking care of him and wants to focus on obsessing about an exBF from two years ago that I'm NOT ever going back to, I don't think he's redeemable. He's got some kind of personality disorder or maybe it's just his bad OCD but he's got no insight.
