Thanks I will check these out, and hope they help weather the storm.
I'm having a hard time thinking of this as W's MLC. She has a book about divorcing someone with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder hidden away. Whether or not I have those (I'm pretty sure I don't, as I go to IC and have had this confirmed), it kind of tells me what she's thinking and why she may be so distant (the textbook way to respond to BPD/NPD is to "manage" them in neutral, unemotional ways). She's not having an A, she's still a great affectionate mom with the kids, she doesn't go out and party or have any sudden behavioral changes. She's just more secretive now and distant, and affection is gone.
That last sentence could have described my situation to a T. W actually said to me that she had to "detach" and gave me a laundry list of problems I had.
I did not react.
I listened, validated, and apologized (once, sincerely and calmly) - but only for those problems I knew I had. Told W I was working on them and it would take time.
W was also worried about 25 year in the future- couldn't see us together for that long.
My response:
I'm not thinking about 25 years in the future. I'm thinking about today. When tomorrow happens, I'll worry about tomorrow, then.
