New to this - need to talk

[job]

I do agree that they do escape and avoid but the "fog" begins very, very early when the BD happens. In fact, it begins to roll in around the 18-24 month time period when something triggers their crisis. They know that something is wrong, but they can't put their finger on what it is. They have uneasy feelings and begin to think that we are the problem and thus, the "I've been unhappy X number or years" and the number of years will change as they continue to escape and avoid reality. The running/escaping/avoiding is what we call replay. They act out, they experiment and try on different masks, they make new friends and drop old ones, etc.

They do feel like they are suffocating in the home and yes, they are running from the fact that mortality is hitting them in the face. As for the drinking and other habits she picked up, they were things that she's tried or are still doing to make herself feel better. Like an addict, she's looking for the next "feel good" moment. When something becomes dull and doesn't give her that high any longer, she'll seek out something else.

I am sure that the OM did sense that something was off w/her. She was infatuated w/the fact that he was nice to her and most likely listened and talked to her. Trust me, if she is ripe for an affair, it doesn't matter who it is and yes, it could have been someone else. All they need is a little attention and they think they have found their soul mate. For example, my xh was visiting a co-worker one day and that co-worker's wife smiled and laughed at some of my xh's jokes. Well, her name was mentioned over and over again by my xh and he thought she really adored him. She didn't give him a moment's thought, but that's how his mind went off the rails because she gave him attention at that point in time.

They experience guilt throughout the crisis, but try very hard to stuff it down. Those feelings of guilt and shame come out to play at night when all is quiet and their minds aren't operating at 100%. This is the time that things float to the surface for them w/o distractions. Many have difficulty sleeping because of this and the depression.

When you wife is moody, just leave her be and continue living your life to the fullest. When she sees that you aren't walking on egg shells and you are enjoying life, she just may become curious and want to join in on the fun. You have a choice, i.e., stay on the roller coaster or get off. The more you are off, the better off you will be because you are living your life and focusing on yourself and your family.