I know nothing about ICs so probably can't post in the appropriate terminology or with a fair and balanced view, but this is what immediately occurred to me when I read your posts.
At times the IC is making you question your interactions and communication style as if you were piecing. I think you're doing all the hard work as if you were piecing. I'm not totally convinced your IC is doing you any favours by this over analysis. Prepare for a future R yes, but at the moment it seems to cause a bit of headspinning.
The facts suggest that you aren't piecing. You can't piece because he's not taking part. You are owning your part and working on it, to some extent trying to second guess what you think you need to be in order for him to come back. He's doing the bare minimum.
You can't piece because 1 party doesn't even know whether they want to be in the marriage. Your IC is almost doing some mind reading when actually we don't know what he wants. Telling you what you did wrong and criticising you is not designed to build or repair a marriage, just tear it down.
You can't mediate and psychoanalyse this relationship back together because he's not sitting at the table. So, I'm sorry IC, but until he does it is all about Dilly. It's not about what Dilly can do to improve her chances of H coming back, it's about Dilly being Dilly no matter what happens. Dilly should not be thinking about every interaction and action from H because she should be detached until he wants to do the hard graft and then she can work on that attachment. If she chooses to. She won't be talking about the implications and wider meaning of to hug or not to hug because she is so busy being detached and getting on with her life.
So, that leads to my question. Why did you send him a text about the value of the car? And then ignore the response. There are many other ways in which you could have found out the value of the car.
I'm doubtless not explaining myself very well, but why are you going on a date with a man who can't decide if he'll stay married because he doesn't want to lose a friend?
Does this man truly know what it would feel like to not have you in his life?
I know that 1 of my many faults is to look at life as black and white, but I just get the impression that at times you are putting the cart before the horse.
