New to this - need to talk

[job]

The answer to your question concerning the talk force type of rock bottom. The answer is no. She may scrape the bottom, but she is no where near bottom.

Listen, you need to stop trying to rationalize what she's doing. She's on an emotional and spiritual journey that only she can travel on.

She was stunted emotionally as a child/teen by someone in authority. It could have been a parent, teacher, priest/minister, etc., but the person was an authority figure to her being a child. It comes from not being recognized for their accomplishments, put down by someone in authority, or being compared to a sibling, i.e., not being good enough. It could be that she was not loved like the sibling, etc. Only she knows and those feelings were stuffed down within her soul from long ago. When they hit the crisis, something has triggered her journey and those awful feelings of long ago have bubbled up and now they are on the surface and need to be dealt with.

She's been in depression and has never left it. They don't go out of it and return...it is beneath the surface. As for withdrawal, she will pull away from family, friends, close co-workers, pets, home, etc.

You need to step back and stop confronting the guy. The more you try to control the situation, the worse it will get. You can only control what you are doing w/your life. Your wife is an adult and she is going to do whatever she needs to do to get through her crisis. Also, she needs to make the decision to talk to someone about her feelings.

I am going to suggest that you go back and re-read the homework links. You need to come to terms w/the fact that there is nothing you can do to stop her crisis. Once in the crisis, she will need to go through the entire thing. If she doesn't complete the crisis, she will have a second go at it and it will be far worse than before.

Step back, give her the time and space she needs to work through her issues. You did not break her, therefore you can't fix her...she has to do the work. Focus on you, work on yourself. If you think you have things to change about yourself, then work on them....do it for you and not to win her back. This is your time to do the things that you've not had time to do in quite some time. Be a friend and do not try to diagnosis her and tell her what she needs to do. She had to figure things out for herself. Be a friend, listen and offer support. If she does something that requires recognition, then say thank you and or what a great job you've done.

As hard as it may be.....keep the focus on you and your family.