No major words of wisdom here that have not already been told to you. Your H sound like mine did... unhappy for four years but was trying to fix it without telling me. In my mind, this was just about letting resentment and anger build until he felt like he had enough justification to leave. Your instincts around the OW are probably accurate. My H insisted...swore on our children’s lives...that there was no one else despite evidence to the contrary. He was really just biding his time. Our divorce is being filed this month. He is buying a house with his OW that he only admitted to me was an OW at the beginning of March.
I so know what you are going through Nyla. I was a mess when all of this started. All I could think about was getting him back and was beating myself up for not seeing how bad things were. But that has changed over time and it will for you if you follow the advice of the people on this board. Your H is going down a path right now that he fully believes is the right one. The more you fight it, the more positive he will become that he is doing the right thing. As others have suggested, it is imperative you look out for you and your children right now. Get a lawyer. Know your rights and what you are entitled to. GAL and do your 180s but don’t do it to win him back... do it to save yourself.
It’s been eight months since BD and my H moved out. I resisted letting him go for so long but eventually got on board and started to see things more clearly. My H was always away and I was slowly but surely losing myself in the face of his emotional and physical abandonment. I do not miss those days. I do not miss him... at least not the person I was married to the last few years. I was living with the ghost of the man I fell in love with. Once I realized and accepted that, life got a whole lot easier. I have many things to be thankful for and these are the things that I stay focused on. I have good friends, supportive family, a good job and amazing children who love me unconditionally. Let your H go Nyla. Save yourself. You will be very glad that you did.
