Hold your hats, where do I begin. Will need lots of support for this one.
Yesterday my wife went for a run. While she was out I went to corner store to get lottery ticket. I drove by her chatting with the guy she had a small emotional affair with. It was brief and she kept running. I turned around and confronted the guy. I was not happy. He told me that she just said hi and that he swears that nothing has happened in months. He was tearful and telling me he just wants to move on with his life. He was swearing up and down. I absolutely do believe him.
At home my wife sensed something was up, she confronted me. I told her that I saw her talking with guy, she said she was just running by and saying hi. Unfortunately this led to a dreaded relationship talk. Of course it was terrible, she explained she is changing, having an awakening. Say that she can't live by societies set life. Every time I talked, she accused me of trying to change her for the way I want things to be. I talked about rational things, like kids, finances etc.
I asked her about an internal struggle / demons that she has been dealing with. She said there was nothing and that she is thinking rationally
She tried to tell me that she isn't sure she was ever fully in love with me from the start. How she just can't be with me because she doesn't feel anything for me and that can't change. She tried to explain that this won't change. We talked about making attempts such as counselling etc. Of course this went no where. I told her she needs to be happy and that we could grow change together. I also told her that this was all her, she would have to do all the ground work.
Anyways a lot of Stereotypical MLC talk from her which led to we should talk to the kids. We went up stairs and right before kids came, she said "I think you are just trying to force my Bluff!" She said we need to do this together. We never did talk to kids.
Upstairs she was making lunches I told her that she could talk to me. This is when she said "You wouldn't understand"
I said I would promise to listen and not make judgement. She said she has been having thoughts under the surface for years and that they all came to the surface when I busted the emotional affair 3 months ago.
She explained that these thoughts come and go. They make her feel like she's going "insane!" I was compassionate and empathetic towards her. I asked her if they were getting better and she said it depends on the day. I can't believe she finally admitted to this, but I feel this will change things.
It feels like she has gone back into a tunnel last night and this morning.
I 100% did not want to talk about our relationship - it just happened. I absolutely feel terrible right now that I have set myself back and pushed her further away, but I also feel like I have made headway by her telling me about her internal struggle.
I feel like I have taken away her playing card, her control. She admitted she has an issue. She didn't believe the medical dr. could help and that it is all in her brain - therapist.
Our family dr. said she could absolutely help her with these Ruminating thoughts.
10 minutes later I went upstairs, thanked her for telling me, gave her a hug and said I would always be here to listen. Not sure how she took this. First time in 3 months we hugged, but I initiated.
I am shaking right now, I feel horrible about the relationship talk because she was so adamant about her feelings and she came across as rational. But she opened up for the first time.
I told her that she can't make rash decisions and that she should just take time to figure things out.
This is insane, I know people say it gets worse before better. It [censored] so much because we were getting better, talking, pleasant, doing things for each other etc. I can almost guarantee she's going to go back into a state of depression and withdrawal.
Can anyone explain to me her saying that these thoughts have been under the surface for years and all came abruptly out the day the bomb dropped. Trust me she was doing a lot of replay thing for 2-3 years before BD.
Do you think this talk will force a type of "Rock Bottom"? This is all so confusing, I am trying too hard to make sense of it.
I really feel like I still have Time on my side, how in the world could she leave the house and family life with the Crazy Thoughts. She knows I know. Also the logistics of her leaving and impossible. She also said that I called her bluff.
Wow there was so much more but I am so rattled it's hard to remember.
