Persistent Endurance (Part 3)

[curtis7]

Thanks for all of the advice and feedback. I’ve spoken with two L’s this week and have a better understanding of my options. My W had requested in an email Saturday night that I gather all of my financials and make a list of our assets and marital items with estimated values so we could decide by the end of the month who keeps what. Of course, she asked to be compensated for anything I keep. So, I’m thinking about how to proceed.

I’ve been reflecting back on the open marriage confrontation Saturday night and considering the timing. I gathered some intel and on Monday of last week WW’s BFF was at her house to console her because WW and OM2 were fighting. Some of the messages from him stated that “I have her under my thumb” and that she is never available because she is at my place so often with the horse and attending to my needs and pleasing me. It seems OM2 is threatened by me or trying to use me against her and convince her to distance further from me.

On Saturday morning, she was having her tires rotated and they told her two needed to be replaced due to low tread depth. She immediately called me, blamed me for not replacing all four tires last time, and asked what she should do because she had never taken care of that before. I told her you can do what you want with the tires, that’s your decision. Then, after the rotation, she brought the kids to my house to give S8 a haircut. Afterwards he wanted to stay with me for a few hours until his baseball game. D4 also wanted to stay, I never asked either of the kids to stay at my place. WW drove off upset and sent a text stating she was upset because her time with the kids was taken away from her. That is when she drafted the email about taking the next steps on financials and dividing property.

The email started as follows:
“This set up we have right now is no longer working for me. Many have told me that and I refused to listen. But after today I realize you think I am or should still depend on you and bend to your will. That is not the case.”

I don’t understand how her calling me about tires on her car and the kids wanting to stay with me made her realize I think she should depend on me and bend to my will. Craziness! I think it had more to do with BFF’s biased shoulder, OM2’s texts, and her blaming me for the problems they are going through. She may be realizing that being married to me, even though separated, is problematic for R’s with any OM as it portrays her as less available.

A little more intel indicated that her and OM2 were fighting over text just prior to my arrival at her place for the open marriage confrontation. Messages from him stated that she manipulates him, that she looks and talks down to him, doesn’t respect him, etc. He stated that her and I are perfect for each other.

So, based on all of this as well as what others have said, I think it was bad timing in setting the boundary. This is also why I’m not necessarily opposed to gathering intel occasionally before making any big moves. It can be very helpful in knowing if the timing is right.

A few final thoughts on WW, she had two hand written notes on her refrigerator. One stated something along the lines of not judging others and no one is better than you. I saw a conversation she had with her sister asking if she had turned into that type of person, because she thinks that is what I would do in the past and if she was mirroring me after 18 years together. Her sister acknowledged that she has seen and heard my W make judgmental comments on others she felt she was better than over the past few years. I know that coming to that realization had a tremendous emotional impact on my W as she always prided herself on treating others equally. The other note on the fridge stated if you want a different result, make different choices. My thought on that is if you want to stop being treated like a piece of meat by pickup artists half your age, then recommit to your MR and family and work on a real loving relationship rather than satisfying your desires for short-term sexual thrills with interlopers.

Enough about her, I’m leaving her alone, kids only, and DBing. Working on projects around the house to get ready for my Bday party in a few weeks.