I am sorry for the situation you are in. It sounds very much like H is suffering from MLC. This forum is a safe place with many kind and compassionate people here who offer advice, suggestions, and hard earned wisdom. A lot of times this wisdom will seem and sound counterintuitive, will not feel like the correct thing to do. Post often and ask questions for further clarification, this is a confusion and difficult time for an LBS.
Finances are an unfortunate part, a big part, of this MLC mess. You need to speak to a lawyer - ASAP. You and your three children need financial protection and security. Many MLCers completely loose sight of their previous responsibilities; they throw them away, they run from them. Children and family being a very big responsibility. You mentioned him getting a new account, wanting to separate finances, buy a Harley, etc... He is going to do what he is driven to do, he is not going to seek or ask for your blessing.
Talk to a lawyer, and see what your rights are, what you can do short term for protection, and long term security. Look at this as a business deal that went sideways, and do whatever you need to do for you and your kids. As for separation/divorce gather information about your situation, you need not act on any of it at the moment. However, information is power and knowing where you actually stand is a good thing; and it usually is not near as bad as one first imagines.
Generally speaking, let your H do all the heavy lifting regarding separation and/or divorce. However, first and foremost you must protect you and your kids.
I am sorry for the urgency being conveyed from my post; to me what you have shared looks rather urgent and needs to be addressed soon.
Your H is running from his past, from his demons, from his responsibilities; there is nothing you can do to stop it. It is not your fault. You didn’t break him, therefore you cannot fix him. Give him space and time. Focus on you and your kids.
That is the big one - Focus on you and your kids.
You will get through this Nyla.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
