My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 6

[Adam04]

ovr,

I am grateful you are on the boards sharing your time and energy, your perspective and insight. You deserve to be happy. You're a good guy.

I am going down that road where I am making it too easy for my W. We are physically separated but now she wants to try and work it out. She says she is willing to go to MC, she tells the kids she loves me. She wants me over more and all the time. She's said she'll tell me everywhere she goes and will turn the find me app back on and all that BUT she has not admitted to one darn thing. She has said she wanted to be forthcoming with me and I guess in time. I think in some ways I am like you. I want to be honest as can be within the rules of DB. I want to help guide her and encourage but I cant spoon feed her what to do. I am liking our time together, especially with the kids. My S6 is having some issues now with the separation and its eating us to the core. He misses me and cries at night. I am also liking my time alone. And I know to trust nothing my W says.

This is how I see my sitch, I'm just starting with the physical separation. After some point if I am making it too easy for my W to cake eat, I will get tired of it. I'm using the time for my own personal wants. There is no guarantees in life so I am taking it day by day. I am foolishly being patient hoping that if I create this safe environment that W will have a chance to open up on her own. If not, and when I feel the time is right, I'll end it. My W said she knows she has a communication issue and she is a distancer. She said she wants to talk to a counselor about these things and even wants to work on changing this with me. It's not an overnight process. It will take a lot of time.

As neffer said, there is movement. I was watching some videos from marriage counseling about being in the valley and if there is another person involved, sometimes its okay to be in the valley for a while if there is movement.

change will happen. nothing stays the same forever. you're strong and I know you have the fortitude to endure with dignity. You keep working on you. Your W will eventually get on board or she won't. You also know the old M has to end for the new one to begin.