She seems so depressed. Sometimes I wonder if she needs my help. Maybe she thinks she is depressed about our M but it is really depression due to adjusting to moving with 3 small kids away from family. I want to be there for her. I don’t want to turn my back if she is in need. I really don’t know what do be doing. She seems so down around me, but even around friends and our kids her happiness seems fake or forced, like she is trying hard.
Sometimes DB’g feels passive-aggressive. I still feel that pull to her, even when she doesn’t say hello goodbye or show me any affection. Maybe we are in some affection standoff and I need to somehow solve the puzzle.
Then I think for awhile like this and go on and on and realize relationships shouldn’t be so hard. It is just so frustrating to feel like if we worked on our R we could get through this tough parenting phase and come out stronger. 15 years together and she can’t tell me what’s wrong... after the first 13 years were so good (at least for me). Why not go to counseling and just air it all out and see if we can’t fix things? Instead of harboring resentment. I didn’t cheat, we had a few fights, I really don’t understand what is going on... sigh...
I know how you're thinking and feeling. I did the same thing and still do sometimes with W - she is still in a depressed state since 8 months ago. I tried many times pre-DB and pre-understanding asking what was wrong, offering to go to MC or IC, asking to talk about M, etc etc. All of it I now know was pressure. It was perceived that way from W view, and not in the being helpful way I was viewing it.
The trick from what I can tell is to somehow detach lovingly. this is what I'm working on. To show you're still there for her without expectations but also that you wont be around to take all the projected blame when that time comes
Keep hanging in there - don't forget to focus on you.
