It was expected of many that you come to the shower. It was indeed a GREAT show of character to engage and talk to XSIL and XMIL. As job said, it's a demonstrative display of class on your part. It shows that you've risen above all the sh!t, even if you genuinely haven't.
I will guess OM did not appear because of your presence.
As for the cross to bear of still loving your XW, I don't know what to say. It's very hopeful on your part, that you still see a touch of the old person in there.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18