If you can't beat em, cheat em (thread 2)

[Wanted1]

I agree, but I'm not ready to send them underground yet. First I need to get some things in order, before acting, as hard as it is.

If you know for a fact that she is having an A, why does it matter if you send them underground? If you know, it isn't like them not going underground to continue the A is going to stop it. If she thinks all is hunky dory and you are in the dark about what she's up to, it is going to continue. Just like it is most likely going to continue, underground, after she knows that you know.

If the reason you want to prevent it from going underground is so you can snoop, that's a bad idea. Trust me on this. I didn't take any of the advice about not snooping during the first few months of my sitch and it ate me alive. It consumed me. And I never found anything out that made me feel better. Just assume the worse is going on. I know it is easier said than done. I'm a living example of how hard it is to not snoop, but I'm telling you, nothing good comes from it.

If you want to keep tabs on it, it's only going to make you react on emotions instead of logic. Again, I'm speaking from experience. You need to react and make decisions based on logic and that is impossible with the emotions that will come when you are constantly discovering the nefarious details about the A. What finally got me over the hump was I made a conscious decision to finally drop the rope. It isn't easy at all. If it was, everyone's sitch would be about 1/4th the length of time that they are. The other thing that helped me was I decided that IF I ever did want her back, I would want her to come back to me on her own volition. Not because it is the "easier" choice, or because they know we know or even because it is the right thing to do. We want them to come back because they want to come back. That isn't going to happen overnight. It will take time for them to realize what they want if that ends up being the case. Once the A is out in the open, meaning you let her know that you know, the chances of it dying a natural death are a lot greater than if they just continue to think they are being sneaky their happy romantic rendezvous. That isn't to say it will, just the chances of it ending are probably better.

Don't do what I did. I implore you. Snooping isn't going to make you feel better or improve your sitch. It will only make it worse. I'm the idiot that didn't realize that and didn't follow the advice I was receiving on here in the beginning. Don't be me.