It is widely viewed as a bad idea to share the MBR with a spouse that is in an active affair. I would seriously consider doing this:
- The afternoon before the anniversary dinner put all of her things out of the MBR. When she gets home and protest simply say "I am not stupid. I know what is going on. And until there are changes I refuse to share the MBR with you." When she freaks out, listen and validate.
- Get ready for dinner the next night. And go enjoy a nice dinner at the restaurant by yourself. If she brings it up before hand simply say: "You are welcome to go to dinner by yourself." Then listen and validate.
ACTIONS, not words. Notice, you don't discuss her moving out of the MBR, you move her out. You don't discuss not doing the anniversary dinner, you just don't do it. If she confronts over it, be short, blunt, to the point with your answers. Then listen and validate.
Feel free to deflect questions. "I need to consider that before I can give you an answer. There is a lot to process." But when she is just venting or going off. Listen. And validate. Study the validation thread and have validating statements at the ready. Also, be the one to end it. "I am sorry you are upset, but I have to go."
Don't keep sharing a bed with a cheater. And certainly don't take a cheater to dinner!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
