Thank you Yorkie and Dilly. I needed a reality check! I do think the A is still going on, but there is definitely trouble in paradise. There have been signs over the last week or so.

I agree, depression is no excuse to treat me this way. He is a big boy, he needs to act like one. It's hard to not try to fix him. Last night I had to fight the urge to go downstairs and apologize (again) for moving his things the way that I did. I convinced myself that he needs to just sit in the quiet and think about the consequences of his actions. I'm sure it is painful every time he opens the guest room door, we've shared our MBR for over 20 years. I hope it has some impact.

H says things to me like, "I see you, I notice you. It takes everything I have not to grab you and kiss you..." A month ago I was the reason he was "numb inside", the way I made him feel. Yesterday, he said he was to blame. That he tries to make me out to be the bad guy, but it's not true. That I have put up with so much, lying, addiction etc. and that he can't even just give this (M) to me right now. Trying to keep me on the back burner, I'm sure.

As he said all this, I began to realize that we've been here before. I've heard those words before. Through all the bumps in the road over the past 28 years, this is so familiar to me.

The good thing about letting him talk last night is that it eased the tension after I moved his things out. Through all of the lies, the crumbs, there were some nuggets of honesty in there, not in terms of our relationship, just about life. The fact that he hates his job and feels like he can't get out. When he got to his breaking point, what led up to it. I believe him because I saw it, but I didn't do anything about it. I tried to talk to him, but I was distracted and detached. I'm not taking responsibility for anything other than my part.

I am trying to do my own thing and keep my distance, but it is hard when you live in the same small house. Getting his things out of the MBR also reduces my urge to snoop, which is good for everyone, especially me.

I appreciate all the support here! It certainly helps to keep me sane!