And then I have moments like now where I'm completely miserable.
She has withdrawn affection for 6 months. No ILY, nothing more than a daily hug. No other touching. No checking in on my day, asking how I'm doing and following up. She has a book about divorcing someone with a personality disorder (I don't have a PD, and this hurts deeply that she thinks I do). She's playing the playbook of acting cool because your H might be crazy, and then dropping the hammer.
I wonder why I'm sticking around waiting for this BD. - Maybe she will see that I have made positive changes, and her thinking will change. - I don't want to be the one to initiate the break of this family, for my kids' sake. - Maybe I still need time to work on myself before we plunge ahead. - Maybe she will come down to D-Day and step back from the ledge, and have an epiphany.
The reality is I have basically zero hope right now. I see the value in the DB techniques for my own personal development, but I just don't see how they will save my M.
Part of me wants to just call W out on what is going on. Just confront her, "What's going on with our M?" Not because I want to save it, but because I'm tired of living a lie, feeling suffocated, unloved, misunderstood.
I'm so confused. I don't understand my W anymore. We used to be close.
