I am sorry things didn't go well for your daughter's interview, but she can try again. Now, she has an idea of what they are looking for and can be better prepared the next time around.
I would venture to say that your h is starting the reconnection journey. It takes a while and lots and lots of patience and, of course, no expectations. Continue to treat him as you have been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
((Coly)) - I've got nothing helpful other than a hug. According to what we've been told, they do peek out during holidays. Is this more? No way to tell except time.
I'm glad to hear that you and your D are doing well generally and are moving forward.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
After all this time, you must surely be happy to see improved communication and more contact from H. I hope you are able to reign in your expectations and go with the flow.
For a second let's assume that H is "waking up" and on his way back to "normal". That is a long journey upon which any time he gets scared, he'll retreat. You've heard all that before, I know, but sometimes it needs to be resaid at specific moments. This I feel is one of them. So still assuming that is what is happening, it'll take possibly a year before the connection is constant, real and fully felt by him. That's all going well. this is important for two reasons. Firstly you have loads of time, so don't rush things. It needs to unfold at his pace for it to happen. Secondly if the LBS latches on too quickly or too hard, the WAS has second thoughts. Not because it's not what they want, but just because they can't handle it yet. So any rejection or pulling back does not necesarily mean it's a negative sign. Treat it more as part of the journey.
So I think you just need to carry on as you have been. Stay open to communication and contact, but don't push for it. don't be always available either. Definetely don't change previous plans if H suggests meeting up.
As Andrew pointed out, there is the possibility that it is just a sporadic moment of connection before going back to no contact. But even if that is the case, take heart from the fact that H felt comfortable enough to do so. That is positive.
I know it cannot be easy to not Wonder about all the what ifs and contemplate all the ways this could play out. It rarely goes as we foresee so best not to waste time trying. Better to keep on living, focused on you and D.
Be patient. Give this the time it needs. I have my fingers crossed for you and send you best wishes along your path.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Job, AP, Roist. Thank tou all so much for your comments.
Job - D has a back up plan if she doesn't get in this year and will try again next year. The degree she wants to take is very competitive and her age is going against her a little too. Thank you for reminding me not to have expectations! As you know it has always been my downfall in the past!
AP - it did cross my mind that it could just be the time of the year. I guess only time will tell. D and I are doing okay just getting on with our lives. We have even booked another holiday for a couple of months time, which we are very excited about!
Roist - thanks for reminding me that I need patience and that this will take a very long time if H is in fact reconnecting. It is very difficult to keep myself from getting angry or annoyed when he stops communicating after a period of lots of contact. I nearly fired off an angry text to him the other day but stopped myself, which I am glad about! I do feel H is much more comfortable with me than he used to be but I am so afraid of messing things up when I am with him. As you have all three alluded to or said right out, I must keep my expectations low and not think that we are reconnecting but I guess just enjoy the times when he us with us.
I will let you all know how tomorrow goes. I am nervous to spend four and a half hours with him on my own!
Happy Wednesday!! Xx
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
BTW Coly - if you want some positive reinforcement - our old friend Westo is doing very well these days.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
